EPL Match Day 5 Picks

Get ready for this weekend's EPL action with the Match Day 5 Picks.

(AP Photo/Alastair Grant)

After a week off, I’m back to waste 5-10 minutes of your time again. In the most succinct possible way, I suggested to take the Spurs at + money last week as well as Chelsea on the road. Well, lo and behold, three wins in a row.  Hopefully things are now on the up and up.  I’m going to change this style a little bit, so bear with me as I go.  Reflecting on what I’ve learned from the weeks before has always helped me have a better grasp on lines and what to expect.  So here we go

First things first – Chelsea is back. That defense is rock solid. Hazard is fit. There is some resemblance of depth in the squad. Until I see them against Pep/City at the end of the month, they’re going to be an auto-bet for me.  That includes this week against Arsenal, who probably feel nice and “composed” again after their blowout of Bournemouth at home.  There is not a single area on the pitch where Arsenal is better than Chelsea and they’re going to be back in crisis mode Sunday afternoon.  Honestly the best thing that could have happened for us (the betting public) is having Arsenal get this convincing win and give us a better number for this week.  Plus, on short rest with Arsenal hosting Koln on Thursday! Gimme all the blues.

Liverpool got massacred by City (after a horrific boot to the face by Sadio Mane), so 5-0 is a little misleading, but they followed it up with an embarrassing draw at home to Sevilla on Wednesday.  Typical stuff here –  poor defending, wasteful in the attacking third, and Dejan Lovren doing Dejan Lovren stuff.  City meanwhile just crushed Feyenoord on the road and it’s a three horse race with Chelsea and United.  I buy into City more than United at this point, and that 9/30 match at Chelsea is going to be massive, not just for the title race but to also see where the clubs truly are against each other.

Spurs got a huge win and Harry Kane finally got on the score sheet last week.  Couple that with a big win at Wembley against the Spurs today and Tottenham is safely off my shit list.  They were a little lucky today but they still looked much better. It is a short week for them but a cake matchup at home doesn’t scare me.

United, I don’t really get you.  That’s a piss poor draw even on the road against Stoke and now they’ve lost Pogba for six weeks.  There’s plenty of depth in the midfield and I assume we see more Herrera now, but I’m not as scared of them as I was two weeks ago.  They’re still a good club and they have a wonderful egotistical manager who can probably make things work.  It will be an interesting month or so for them for sure and you will no doubt here some scrutiny leading up to the 11/4 match at Stamford Bridge

Footnotes: Everton sucks. Gotta score to win, crazy concept.  Soton/Koeman, dude I do not get you.  You miss Pelle that much? Get yourself a goddamn proper striker you idiot. West Ham win at home, Huddersfield are fucking WOOOOOOF.  Still took 70 mins to break them down, and I won’t be surprised if they both end up going down at the end of the year.  Leicester are good.  They gave Chelsea all they could handle.  Frank de Boer was fired from Crystal Palace after 4 straight losses, and they are now in limbo for me.  The tactics weren’t working (duh), but I don’t know what will happen next.  The new manager effect is a thing and they could get a win on Saturday, but I will wait and see how the situation normalizes.  Too much actual shit up and down that starting XI (not you Ruben, I love you).  Burnley unders forever. Swans back to awful. Toon you’re still dead to me.

This week

Chelsea -126 (!!!!) 3x

Bournemouth/BHA u2.5 -130

City/Watford o3 -127 ½x (short week for City, no rotation, but Watford has been playing pretty well and has more attacking threat than I gave them credit for)

Leicester +142 2x

Burnley/Liverpool u3 -102

Spurs -1.5 -129 1/2x (same boat as City, short week and minimal rotation, but swans are fucking bad)

United prolly wins but no way I’m playing -1.5 on a short week and honestly it’s more fun hoping a drunk Wayne Rooney nets a hat trick and kisses the Everton badge afterwards.

Good luck, if you need anything you can get me at @Squanto8. Otherwise, Olivier Giroud can suck a bag of dicks